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  • Writer's pictureWooden Elbow

Millennials Are Changing the NAP Game, and You Won't Believe HOW?!

Making the bed shouldn't have to be a more than once a day chore. Millennials have been exploring a variety of new ways to nap without the hassle of messing up a neatly made mattress. Jennifer Ghostpepper, a student at the University of South Eastern West Virginia, has found that wedging ones self between the bed and wall in a slouched position yields the best results. "Even like ten minutes in the wedge position makes me feel like I have gotten a full night's rest, it's amaaazing." states Ghostpepper. "Plus the fact that I don't have to make my bed more than once a day puts the icing on the cake."

Dr. Norman Fasterman P.h.d. of the Sleep Institution of Sleep and Slumber (S.I.S.S.) was highly skeptical of the quality of sleep provided by such a seemingly uncomfortable placement of the body during a mid-day nap, and so invited Ms. Ghostpepper to participate in a sleep study at the Sleep Institution of Sleep and Slumber at their branch in Napa Valley. "Upon meeting Jennifer, I could tell that she was a consistently well rested individual. A side effect of my work here at the Sleep Institution... (of Sleep and Slumber), is my uncanny ability to gauge precisely how well a person does or doesn't sleep through out the night, and during a period of short napping." describes Fasterman. "We hooked Jennifer up to our patent pending Dream Machine and, after just about 15 minutes, I must say that I was taken aback by the results. It was if she had fulfilled a full nights sleep, REM cycle and all, it was hard for me to wrap my mind around. The study unfortunately caused my own personal sleeping patterns to become very inconsistent due to my inability to comprehend the data collected."

Less than a month later the Sleep Institution of Sleep and Slumber closed its doors permanently due to the patent pending Dream Machine exploding. The cause of the explosion is unknown and still currently under investigation, but some are speculating it was caused by Jennifer Ghostpepper's clinical evaluation.

This sparked a trend among Millennials across the globe seeking new and inventive ways to maximize napping potentials, and is assumed to be the origination of the wide spread viral trend known as "Planking." This viral craze lead to the unfortunate deaths of a number of individuals that attempted "Planking" in extreme circumstances.

It seems as though the desire to prevent making ones bed more than once a day cascaded into a series of events that Ms. Ghostpepper could never have conceived. Do you think this is an example of laziness on the end of Millennials, or is it a sign of ingenuity from a generation that seems to deal with a great amount of scrutiny? We invite you to share your thoughts with us on this controversial subject matter in the comments below.

-Goggerton Stinklebottom

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